A Changing Sense of Time During Lockdown.

Let’s talk about the concept of time during the COVID19 pandemic today.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

The opening lines of Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities really capture how I feel about the lockdown during the current coronavirus pandemic. The reasons to dislike it are obvious and many; I can’t go outside, can’t meet my friends, can’t go to college, the economy is being ruined, so many livelihoods are affected and obviously, so many people are getting ill and dying, the aforementioned worst of times. I have been privileged enough to, however, find some nice things about it too; a whole lot of gratitude for what I had taken for granted before, all this time to spend doing things I love, how I have been able to work on my blog and have a transformed outlook on living every day to the fullest, not the best but very special times. (As of today, I am still very much in the thick of the pandemic, so the day I get back out there is a bit far for now)

I have talked about the coronavirus pandemic, its impact on the world and most majorly, its impact on my world in two of my posts before, which you can find here and here. In both of these posts, I talked more of the immediate reaction to suddenly finding myself in the middle of this pandemic and stuck at home, than the effects of being on lockdown for what is now the majority of 2020 and the contemplations that come with it. In this post, I’m getting into that aspect of life through a pandemic. (And I admit that this is through my undoubtedly privileged lens)

One thing I have noticed and have actually discussed with a few people is that time seems to be standing still and whizzing ahead at the same time. Like, how I for one feel like I have just been living the same day over and over and have not registered the passing of the months after March. (How is it literally almost August?) But also, there is the fact is that somehow 4 almost 5 months have passed and my 21st-year in life and 4th(and last) year in University are just passing me by, without me having registered it.

This realisation that time stops for no one, not even a crippling,world-stopping pandemic, is not a new one. We choose not to think of it but even so, we do sometimes realise this in regular life too, as we look back and think, “Oh, I was just in school!”, “I just became a teenager!”, “Didn’t I just get my driver’s license?” and many more such quips, but never as acutely as now. This has been bothering me since at least May when I realised my third year of college was effectively over, abrupt as it was. This worry has only grown since and thus, obviously, I have done a lot of (over)thinking about it.

All this thinking has brought me to conclude that we, as a society, as human beings, measure the passage of time through milestones, through events, through watching the world around us change. Being stuck at home means that the big occasions; the birthdays, weddings, graduations look quite different or are cancelled. Not getting to go outside means that we don’t get to watch the seasons change, through the trees and the sky, not properly, so we miss out on nature’s signs that time has passed. We tend to make plans for the next few months and countdown to them and in such uncertainty, all plans have been thrown for a wrench. We can no longer plan vacations, parties or even, going to college far from home. With nothing to look forward to, we don’t quite feel the months as they pass us by.

As depressing as that sounds, I also came to realise that the best way to handle lockdown is to live one day at a time, even if it is the same day over and over, try to find something new to do every day, to do things that make you happy, to socially distance but not emotionally distance and to use this crazy time to come out better at the end of it. With that thought, before I go, I’d love to wish you good luck for the rest of the year and take this opportunity to say that I really hope you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe. Please take care!

THIS POST’S QUESTION: Have you felt like time is going by too fast during the lockdown or do you think it is going too slow? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

Some ‘Grown-up’ Thoughts on School

Let’s talk about school and adulthood today.

I graduated from school in 2017; about three years ago. In the three years I’ve been out of school (and in college) I have come to gradually realise how much of a bubble school really puts you in. When you’re in school, life is easy and very sorted. You have to do your homework, give all your tests and study the syllabus. There are no big surprises or plot twists, it is how it was years ago and it will continue to be the same way.

This post is one I’ve been considering making for quite a while, as this is something I’ve been thinking for some time. I have almost made it several times, but I felt a bit greedy making this post. I already had a great school life, all 14 years if it, I had my share of it so what more do I want? This is all you get, that’s the whole deal. But this time, my Instagram followers voted for this post so, here you go. (If you too want to one of the unfortunate souls that will be blamed for my future posts, please, by all means, follow my Instagram )

In school, your worries include not being on top of your assignments, the marks you get on those assignments, who you will be sitting within the class, where you will be sitting when the break is if you can convince your teacher to give you a free period, how to sneak into the ground to play, teachers and subjects you like or dislike and other things which in hindsight, seem extremely pointless. You know, I do concede that it might have been pointless but you can’t deny it was dependable. It is a whole world that swallows you in and you don’t realise just how sheltered it has kept you till it coughs you out when you become an adult.

I realise that as someone who is still in college I haven’t quite escaped the bubble yet and so maybe I haven’t earned the right to talk about this yet. However, since I’ve started to feel the bubble thinning, I will be talking about it and since this is a blog post you cant really stop me. (Haha) In school, you are protected from the real world. You are protected from any real worries. There is a discipline, a timetable, a uniform, most of your big moments are moments that would not matter much once you’re out of school.

In the real world, you have to worry about getting a job and building a resume and getting a house and rising higher and getting fired (Basically money) and your mom is not going to be able to stand up for you if she thinks you’re being unfairly treated. In the real world, people aren’t as nice, or as disciplined. Things don’t follow such order or schedules. There are surprises, plot twists and life takes you in completely different and unexpected directions.

When my “real life” gets especially hard, I often find myself missing that bubble, that comfort, that sense of home that I associate with school. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be grown up and an adult and my 10 years old self could not imagine anything better but sometimes, I miss school. I know this isn’t a universal opinion, I was lucky enough to have had a great school experience and to have loved school. I miss the biggest things in my calendar being tests and competitions and doing many things at the same time and having silly things like annual functions to look forward to. I crave the comfort of a life that is sorted; I do my homework and I study well and I get good grades and things are well. To put it simply, I miss the predictability of school.

I’ve been in three schools over my schooling and while they were certainly not all of the same standard(Major major divides here!) I miss each differently and depending on what I am nostalgic for at that moment. I have also realised that more than my individual schools, I miss the institution itself. The stability, the security. “Real life” is full of far too many surprises and twists and turns, it is like being put on a roller coaster after having ridden only a carousel before.

Even as I say this, I realise, of course, the bubble has to be popped. I know that. I know we have to grow up and fly out, spread our wings and build our lives. It is the curse of the affliction that is being human. For the most part, I love being an adult, I love the independence and I like having control and choices and all the other delights that come with it. All I’m saying is, sometimes, just some very times, I miss the simple joys and blissful ignorance I lived in as a child. I really hope someday I will stop feeling this way but I strongly suspect that it’s a lifelong thing. Oh, the Shakespearean nature of it all, as a child I envied the grown adult’s independent life and an adult I crave a child’s sheltered one. Well played, life, well played.

THIS POST’S QUESTION: Do you miss school or are you happy to have left it? Comment below with what you think about t,I’d love to hear from you!

What do I write to you?

Let’s talk about what should we talk about today.

I write to you today about my utter dilemma about what to write about. Good heavens, I am sorry, that’s quite the beginning to the post; just throwing you in the deep end, no easing, no warning, nothing. Please allow me to explain as I walk you through my predicament.

Perhaps, after months of nothing, since I am suddenly showing up here now (I have been somewhat around on my Instagram, so do follow me there if you’d like to not be surprised by my sudden and erratic posting:@musingsofawhimsicalsoul) I should talk about what i was up to in these past few months. Since  I last posted in November, that would be exams in December, a very gruelling college schedule January onwards, a concussion(from a kick in the head, so quite the story), all the pre-internship things and my first ever job interview(with Google!) in February, turning 21 in Corbett National Park on a family vacation in March to finally today, April 1st, my last day of (now, online) classes, which gives me the time to write to you.

Me with my surprise birthday balloons on March 10, it is so crazy how much things have changed in such little time??

Or maybe, I can’t post anything without addressing the current climate and situation that we all are dealing with. The COVID-19 pandemic, its impact on our lives, the lives we have already lost, the brave souls in essential services fighting to make our lives easier on the frontlines and just how much it infuriates me to see people not taking this seriously. Should I be cautioning you and spreading awareness about flattening the curve? Should I talk numbers and how anxious they make me as we look at the rising numbers every day from the midst of a 21-day lockdown? Should I talk about the fact that even as I say all this, I am feeling so incredibly guilty for how comfortable I am to be in my home with my family and living life with not much of a hindrance? Should I be asking you to think of the less fortunate, the ones who are affected the most? Should I ask you to donate, if you can, to food banks or to government funds, to aid small businesses, to think of the people in your employ or the ones you take rent from?

The coronavirus curve we need to flatten, found on the CDC website.

Should I acknowledge my privilege in being able to sit down and write all this down for you? Or, should I talk about how scared I am of the uncertainty regarding our future, where the world we would be after this is over? I am scared of the economy I would be inheriting. How, as someone who is supposed to find a job in the upcoming year and has no idea what will happen with my internship the economic ruination this will bring terrifies me. Or perhaps, my hope that we all are kinder and value each other and just appreciate the little things much more?

Simply put, should I be talking about my fears for our present or the future? Or mundane things like how I am going to pass time now that my college is over? Perhaps, I should be distracting you from all this uncertainty and negativity, bring you my regular scheduled(Yes, I see the irony here.) content. Maybe you’ve had enough of all the negativity and just want to escape. So today, after 4 months of nothing, in the middle of a global pandemic, I ask you, What do I write to you?

THIS POST’S QUESTION: This is a unique post,the entire post itself is a question,so please,tell me,What content do you want to see from me? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

Some Thoughts on Airports.

 

Let’s talk about airports today.

Airports. Grounded gateways to aerial escapes to a different world. A new city, a new country, a new continent. Ah, how I love them.

In my lifetime, I have taken a decent number of flights. In the last year though, I have racked up some crazy flying miles, what with my vacation across Europe and flying to and fro between home and university. All this flying has meant I have spent a rather significant amount of time at airports too. Hence, this post dedicated to airports, paying a homage to the unsung holder of all things duty-free.

The thing about airports is, they’re essentially a test of a person’s patience. A lot of the time spent there is in wait. Waiting for check-in, waiting for security, waiting for your mom to buy the entire batch of duty-free candy or waiting for boarding. The human mind does not bode well for waiting and when in wait, it wanders. All this wandering has led to a lot of thinking and a lot of thoughts many of which I wrote in the notes app on my phone and I’ll try to consolidate in this post.

Airports hold so many people. People from different walks of life with different goals, ambitions, dreams. It amazes me to no end when I stand to wait and look around to see all the people who have a different story yet at this epoch they all intersect, right here at this airport. Perhaps, someone is going home or going away from home. Maybe, there’s a new baby in the family. Maybe, god forbid, there’s a loss. Maybe, they’re going to their dream job, maybe they just missed out on it. The possibilities are endless and I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around the extent of these.

One thing I have also always noticed about airports is that time is seemingly not a construct in there. Any notion of day and night is only expressed through a peak outside. Inside, its always moving, never stopping. Airports are the land where time stops or rather, becomes irrelevant because there are people taking a flight to somewhere or from somewhere at just about all times and airports are always full. This led me to the very serious realization that an empty airport with no movement and no hint of day or night makes a fabulous setup for a dystopia or post-apocalyptic novel. Huh, maybe, I’ll write that, someday.

In all the airports I’ve been to, I’ve always seen a tiny glimpse into the culture of the city or country. All airports show little pieces of the personality of the place they are in. Be it the futuristic installations at Changi Aiport, Singapore or the grandeur of the airport at Dubai or even the wonderful food at the airport in Rome, it’s a little slice of what the country or city has to offer. Taking the phrase, “First Impressions are the last impressions” to heart, more often than not, most places put their best foot forward in the airport and thus, exploring an airport will almost always show you the best of what the place holds.

 

Airports are thus, apart from housing great candy and the best books, a building full of many many human emotions. There’s hope, there’s nostalgia, there’s joy, there’s sadness, there’s dread, there’s anticipation, there’s wonder, there’s  marvel. And for me, right there, wedged in with all the billion emotions, it’s almost like, there’s home.

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What are some of your airport thoughts? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

 

Surprise Lesson In Living In The Present.

Let’s talk about life currently and being in the moment, today.

Hello, wonderful people of the Internet! (A rather paltry attempt at being jovial and chummy, I do sincerely apologize.)

I will begin talking (Or typing, technically.) today as I seem to do always, with an explanation.About an hour back, I finished up the post detailing the first day of my amazing European vacation last month, the first in a daily narration of the entire fifteen-day vacation, with pictures and everything.(Lots of  pictures of the Eiffel Tower, no less, yes, day one was Paris.)

Just as I was about to click on Publish, I decided to address the niggling feeling eating away the back of my head since I had begun sorting through the pictures to add to the post.The feeling being, I felt a little criminal and a lot ridiculous for making 15 posts about a month old vacation when there’s so much happening right absolute now. (Not this very moment but you get my drift, right?)Now, what are these many things, you ask? Among many things, these include but are not limited to, finally deciding on a college, going to said college, maybe moving out to live in a hostel/dorm for the first time in my life, maybe moving to a city I’ve never been to, and meeting a gazillion new people, all by the end of this month.(That is a lot of commas.Thank you, English Grammar for being so simple and sorted.) Which, is actually only 11 days away. (Since it’s nearly the 20th in  speck I call home in this world.)Which in turn, increases the magnitude of all the emotions I’m feeling and dealing with.

And when I feel a lot of emotions I write on here.I bring them out.I involve every single person reading this in the silly woes of a teenaged girl and I keep you in the loop with what is up with me and what I am up to.Which is what I decided to do, this time too.So, I am putting the entire Europe vacation diary on hold and I’ll talk about what’s current and new and what’s happening now and how I’m feeling about it.So, this is your warning, heads up, whatever you’d like to call it. Emotions and changes are going to be sold by the penny next post on.Brace yourself.

So, what am I up to now? To be perfectly honest, it’s a lot of things that are embellished ways to say “nothing huge”. My phone hasn’t been working for the past week.When you have holidays and nothing to do, that isn’t the best of situations.I have to admit though,It hasn’t been all bad because of that.I’ve had moments where I’ve been glad I didn’t have my phone because I’m more efficient, fast or just simply had more attention to pay(Attention is something you learn to appreciate more than most people if you’re me) to other things.Meanwhile, I’m also reading the Song Of Ice And Fire series, by G.R.R. Martin (If you have or are too, please comment below.I loooooove talking about it.)I’m also watching Game Of Thrones(Again, If you are watching let’s talk) alongside as I finish each book.(Yes, I know the entire world has seen it, I  respected the fact that it’s an adult show, okay?) I’m doing some college-related shopping, packing, contemplating(A veiled way to say paranoidly overthinking) and mentally prepping for majorly three things.

One. The changes that are soon coming in my life.I have a track record of not being the best at dealing with change while it’s happening.I almost avoid thinking about it so this time I have decided to be a ‘grown-up’ about it and will deal with it while it happens instead of bottling it all up till I have an explosive meltdown.

Two.A new setup.I understand school as a construct, I’ve been involved with it for 14 years.College is something I have a rather as I believe, misconstrued image of, attributed to books and movies and I do and do not at the same time know what to expect.I’ve to learn and adapt and grow and I’m gearing up to do it in the best way possible.

Three and most importantly, socialising. As a rather antisocial and a pretty socially inept person this is the one that is the most daunting for me.But I’m also contradictorily, a  person who enjoys talking to people and getting to know them and is excited by the prospect of making all the lifelong friends I am going to make.So me, a shy extrovert needs the preparation to open up to people and get ready to do what humans are notorious for: socialise.

Apart from that, I’ve basically been utterly and undeniably bored.And that’s it, folks, it’s what I’ve been up to and that’s what you can expect from me now on.Cheers and see you later!

THIS POST’S QUESTION : What is something you’ve done recently that you’re proud of ? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

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Why Do I Write?

Lets talk about why I write today.

In my previous post I  talked about my school’s camp and a ‘Personality Pageant’ I participated in there. For better insight into today’s post you can check that post out here.

In the question-answer round of the Personality Pageant, I was asked several questions whilst on stage. Most had to do with this blog, writing and reading. One of them, which completely shook me up for a minute there was such a seemingly obvious, easy yet such a profound ,delving-into-my-very soul kind of question. That very simple question asked by one of the judges was, “Why do you write?”

Now, why do I write? It’s not like it’s as essential to me as breathing or I have a message to deliver to the world. Nor do I have that interesting a life nor extraordinary experiences to talk about.I’m as normal as it gets and my life is very usual and perfectly ordinary. Then , the question again is, why do I write?

The first thing that came in my head when I heard that question was a glimpse from my childhood, when I was 9-10 years old and the biggest tragedy  for me was my best friend revealing my very very confidential ‘secret’ to someone else. I remembered how when tragedy struck,  I had, feeling utter betrayal, after tearing up in front of my mother, grabbed a sheet of paper, a pencil and wrote about the incident, how I felt, the sadness and the trauma I was feeling. And, I remember feeling so so much better. Then, It became a practise, good days I wrote about in my journal, bad days I let out my emotions on a sheet of paper, crumpled it up and threw it away. Writing was and remains my therapy, words my solace and pen and paper my best friends.

I wrote because it made me happy, it made me feel better and it made me, as a person, better. I have always been quite a chatterbox and my friends honestly(Not without proof) believe that I can talk about anything and everything for hours. Writing gave me a medium to express all my thoughts and opinions in another manner, like dancing, singing (To myself), drawing and other things have been for me always. It was fuel and motivation for the creativity in me, which in all honesty, is one of the things I value in others and myself the most. Put creativity, imagination and  crazy ideas all together and you’re already my best friend.

I  realised I write because I find expressing myself as essential as breathing and wish to leave a message for the world, something which I learn over my lifetime and leave for the future generations.I wish to have a life interesting enough to write about and have extraordinary experiences. I write because I wish to be something beyond the usual ,something more than perfectly ordinary.

With all this running in my head in a fraction of seconds, I heard myself saying,” I write to, in simple words, express myself. I consider myself a creative person with a lot of thoughts, opinions and emotions, expressing which is imperative for me. Therefore, writing for me, is one of my favourite mediums to speak my heart out, express my creativity and offer a little piece of myself to the world.”