My Year To Be Bold.

Let’s talk about birthdays and growing up today.

Hi everyone, it’s been a while! In the meantime, I’ve been swimming quite deep in the waters of a busy college life and life, in general. I’ve missed this place and its people a lot and have so many blog post ideas just waiting to be written sitting in my phone’s notes app.

So, why one today? Why not one of those prompts just waiting to grow and blossom into a blog post? Why this conversation of a post rather than an idea? What’s so special about today?

Well, I write this to you at 1 AM on March 10,2018 and also my 19th birthday as I receive calls and messages that congratulate me for something I have no control over. (A.K.A Existing, growing older.)Last year of my teenage and a little bit more adult than I’m used to. Should exciting, nerve-wracking and feel really good, right ?

Except it doesn’t? It’s my first birthday ever away from my family and also simultaneously my first proper adult birthday, first birthday completely alone(I’m sitting alone in my dorm room typing this) and first birthday in University. Phew, that’s a lot of firsts.

A drawing I found on Pinterest that is a pretty accurate description of me typing this to you. The artist has really beautiful art and their link is mentioned as a watermark in the photo.

I am not excited? I am happy because you always get extra love and attention on your birthday, I’m definitely scared to my wit’s end about being a grownup but the waves of excitement that hit me from the fortnight before my birthday was conspicuously missing this year. Even the surprise cake cutting(Thanks to the lovely circle my family has here!) I had today with my College Dance Crew( That I’m a part of, yes!) didn’t trigger them.Even on my birthday, right now I’m more like yes, its my birthday, no big deal, everyone has one of those which is obviously, a tad depressing a place to be in.

The beautiful pre-birthday cake that was cut with my Dance-Crew.

I like to think this is what growing up feels like and man, I didn’t think I’d be a grownup so fast but apparently one year in college living alone can really do the trick. I’m not sad about it but I really miss that pure, undulating joy I felt every year?I feel like somewhere down the line I lost my innocence and I am not sure if I’m perfectly alright with that?

I believe some of it could also stem from the fact that my parents have always made my birthday’s very very special, despite the fact that it fell during exams for 6 years out of 19. It has to be a factor.

In my Bullet Journal, to commemorate my birthday I have done a series of pages.One of which is a quote that says,” This is my year to be bold.” Which is a personal motto of sorts, for the year that is coming? I take 2018 as my year to take risks, to be brave and to be strong in the face of whatever life throws at me.

Alongside, I’ve written a letter to self of sorts titled,” To Me on my Birthday” and I’ll transcribe it here, for the sake of having a digital copy and to share it with everyone because 2017 was a monumental year and this letter is a series of things I learnt over the year which have made me a better person yet the reminder wouldn’t hurt anyone.

This was a major year for you. Milestone-ly, life situation-ly or otherwise.This year you’ve found strength in the face of adversity, resilience in the face of failure, optimism in the face of dejection and most importantly, your dignity while swimming in the pools of dangerously low self-esteem. In your first year as an adult, you’ve done many ‘adult’ things and have grown several years over the span of 365 days. You’ve gained maturity, insight and pride in who you are. You’ve made so much personal progress this year and today is just the right occasion to commemorate it with pride.So, be proud of who you are and who you will be because it’s always going to be one step(Or in 2017’s case one step on the Moon-sized step) ahead of who you were.This year will be yours to claim, to grow, to live and to live boldly.Happy Birthday. Let’s do it the 19th time.

(Part 2 of this post where I talk about what actually went down on my birthday,a riveting tale with many twists and turns is right here)

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What would be/was your personal motto for the coming year on your birthday? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

Head In The Clouds.

Let’s talk about aeroplanes today.

I’ve always loved aeroplanes. I always look up when one passes by, no matter what I’m doing (I was writing my high school graduation exams this year near an airport and it was ridiculous how many times I’d stop, it’s a wonder I finished my papers at all!)

How this little epiphany or stroke of inspiration came, you ask? Well today, when I was crossing to the dormitories (Yes, I live in a dorm now, post on how I’m dealing with that hopefully soon!) after dinner ,a plane whizzed by. Among the good horde of people that was there, skateboarding, chatting away with pals, texting on phones, leading singalongs and whatnot, I was the only one who looked up. That’s when it hit me ,how odd is it that we are so acclimatised, so used to aeroplanes now and how far we really have come. A century ago, everyone would have stopped whatever they’re doing and stared at the sky in amazement and would have waved to the passing plane with smiles on their faces and wonderment in their eyes. This little thought triggered another train which made me think of my own special relationship with the sky.

I love sky-watching. I am the kind of person who can make a day out of it. I never grew out of the finding shapes in clouds phase. Hell, my first dream job was to be a pilot. And the best part? I had never ever sat in a plane at that age. When I was 5,the idea of flying off to someplace and going anywhere I wanted, up above the clouds was as fascinating as things got.(To be honest, it’s still fascinating. I think I missed the growing up call.)If you talked to me then about what I wanted to be when I grew up, you’d get a resolute, proud, “Pilot” and a promise to be flown to a place of your choice when I became one.(How I wish I was this clear now, as an adult.)

How the job vacated the dream slot, is another rather sad tale. I saw a movie late at night with my family and way past my bedtime, in which a plane crash killed a whole lot of people, including a beloved character.(Who by the way, was the pilot.)Then that night, I had a series of not-so-good dreams about airplanes and by morning being a pilot was a distant thing of the past.

I went on my first aeroplane at the age of 10. It was a domestic flight but it was a good 3 and a half hours long and the best thing that had happened to me then. The view from above the clouds, the knitted square piece carpet that earth looked like from up above ,the green green forests where I was landing and the helluva ear aches landing and take off gave me are ingrained in my memory forever. I’ve seen an okay amount of things in life for someone my age but I value these memories as precious moments from my childhood.

Since then, I have been on many many planes and seen quite a few airports (Also one of my favourite places, more on them later in his post!) I’ve had good plane rides, okay planes rides, great plane ides, bad plane rides, the entire spectrum.(And over the course of these rides, I’ve also grown out of my ear aches.)I’ve sat in really comfortable seats and uncomfortable, kind of stuffy planes. I’ve watched a lot of movies, read a lot of books, heard a lot of music and had a lot of food on aeroplanes.

I’ve also seen amaaaazing sights from the windows.(Window seat hoggers unite!) I’ve seen so many different colours, shapes and kinds of clouds. I’ve seen a bunch of sunrises, multiple cities, rivers, lakes, countries and even the snow-capped Himalayas. (While going to Leh, Ladakh, India, one of my most beloved trips ever.) I’ve seen the teeny tiny Eifel Tower, wee Twin Towers(Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia),tiny Rome, beaches, oceans, seas and so much more!

(I have not taken these beautiful pictures, these have been uploaded to the internet by amazing photographers around the world, some who had watermarks, some who didn’t. I used these because I felt that these capture views akin to what I’ve seen in a way I could never even aspire to.)

Now, let’s get back to one of my favourite places again; airports. There are so many people, so many hopes, so many struggles, so many stories in that one place. Everyone has a different destination, a different purpose, different likes and so many different goals. Also as a big plus, so many chocolate and book stores!(Just the things you should sell everywhere,if you ask me!)

I find myself fortunate enough to have seen and done so much all because of aeroplanes. It makes travel, seeing the world, fulfilling my dreams much easier for me and unites and joins all of us. So, I’d like to conclude this plane (ha!) of thought that started with a plane with gratitude and awe for this metal tube ,its inventors, the Wright brothers and humanity in general for being who they are with ideas and curiosity and creativity and passion driving us as a species forward.

Bon Voyage for wherever you’re off to (In life or on a plane!) from a plane-aholic!

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What is your favourite memory associated with aeroplanes? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to heard from you!

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The End Of An Era.

Let’s talk about graduating today.

I’d like to start off with the way most good things start: “Hello! How are you?”I know  I haven’t written in forever and I still am so desperately hard hit for time so this process of very few posts is going to continue for a tad bit longer.I’m so sorry about that!

In a few days have what we call a farewell, which is essentially a formal school-leaving graduation ceremony before all the exams and admission conundrum begins.At the farewell, everyone dresses up to the nines, takes pictures, feels nostalgic and makes several more new memories.As of mid -2017, my schooling, for all intents and purposes is drawing to a close and I have a lot of feelings about it which is what this post is going to be about.

 

Source: Tumblr

 

My schooling has made up 14 years of my life( not counting pre-school) and for a 17-year-old that is an awful lot of years.My feelings about being an adult and not a school kid anymore are a plethora of emotions of all degrees and ranges that I’m usually slightly afraid to delve deep into.I’m afraid of feeling too sad, too stuck in the past, too happy or feeling too much altogether.

My schooling has been completed in 3 different schools, all 3 I have different levels of attachment and affection towards, a whole different set of memories from and different people I’ve met and cherished.When I was a child, I considered myself to be the kind of person who finishes their schooling entirely from one place but now I feel very lucky to have experienced three different school environments and places because they’ve shaped me up as a much aware person surrounded by so so many absolutely lovely people, amazing friendships and great teachers.I’ve talked before in my previous post about turning an adult that I suddenly realised time was passing too fast and I had a hard time wrapping my head around it.About this too, I feel that way, I can’t believe I’m a senior and I’m going to college this year.I can’t believe I’m turning 18 and nor can I believe I’m going to be out of high school this year.

 

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Honestly, I don’t want to grow up.Of course, do, but most of me really doesn’t.To someone who’s older this must seem so absurd given how young I really am, but I just want to be a child again, a teenager again and do it all over again because it seems to be the happiest time ever and I miss it so so much already.

I am also extremely excited about the new phase of my life and cannot wait to begin with college.I’m excited to meet the new people, to soak up the new atmosphere and to just live a different kind of life.When I moved here 2 years back, I was gifted ” The Five People You Meet In Heaven” by my cousins and I read it on the flight here.One of the first quotes in that book is,“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.” This quote impacted my outlook on living in a new city greatly and even now I choose to believe that this ending is my new beginning and better things await me in my life henceforth.

 

Source: http://www.simplereminders.com

 

Here’s to every class,every notebook,every piece of lost stationary,every teacher who’s taught me so diligently,every class party,all food we’ve had during classes in utmost secrecy , to all certificates received with the biggest smiles, the music parties during lunches, the swings, the walks around the school, every stage performance, every time I’ve danced in school, all the conversations in the hallways, every time I’ve run a race,the lunches finished before the official lunch,all the excursions and day trips,all the programme practices,every piece of art I’ve made,every school building of mine,all school assemblies I’ve made faces about attending,every competition I’ve been in representing my school, every t time I’ve held a microphone, every ball I’ve kicked, every walk under the trees in school, to all medals I’ve won, every report card I’ve received, all the school bus rides and the drama that ensued inside the buses,all the older children we’ve idolised,all the younger ones I’ve helped, every person who has been a part of my schooling at any of my three schools: Thank you for making me who I am today.I’m so so thankful all that happened.I would not have it any other way.

 

Source: Tumblr

 

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What is your fondest school memory? Comment below with  what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

 

Impending Doom.

Let’s talk about adulthood today.

With less than 4 months left to my own 18th birthday and all my friends and classmates turning 18 already, the thoughts of really being a grown up and coming of age have started to gain a strong foothold within me. It is sometimes scary, sometimes something to look forward to, sometimes nerve-racking and sometimes liberating.

With these comes a wave of strong nostalgia and wrapping my head around the passage of time.Till I was 10, I couldn’t wait to grow up.Time seemed to go slowly and I was acutely aware of each passing month.When I turned 11, time suddenly sped up and before I knew it, I was 14  and off to a new school and for the first time in my life I felt myself wondering,”Where did all this time go?”The same happened all through high school.And even now, am going I still find myself wondering how in the world I am going to be 18 years old.

The best part of it for me currently is to escape the constant tussle between being a child and an adult that being a teenager is all about.I’ll still be a teenager for two more years but no one will accuse me of growing up too fast or acting too grown up when I am a child or behaving like a child when I should be more mature .(On second thought, maybe I’ll still not be escaping this one.)

Adulthood.The sheer act of being 18 years old.Still, a teenager but also carrying the title of being an adult.That is what I am approaching now.And I still wonder what the whole fuss is about.I still feel the same, probably still will.And what all does being an adult really offer? Voting rights( in most countries), more independence, more responsibility and to act more mature and deal with ‘real’ problems.But with great independence comes great responsibility.( In the style of the Spiderman movies circa 2002)

But does it mean I can’t read young adult fiction when I’m a not so young adult ? Or I can’t watch animation films or cartoons because they are for children, something I will effectively not be anymore?  Can I not crack poor jokes anymore because that is childish?These thoughts scare me, hence the title.Seeming doomlike, because I still enjoy animation movies and like cracking poor jokes at times and I love young adult fiction.

Also, as a reminder to you all of how old you are(Why would I suffer with these nostalgia waves and realisations of passage of time alone?) As of next year all the quintessential 90’s kids would not be kids anymore, us being the 1999 bunch.

Talking of the 90’s I would like to conclude, with hope and with what Monica said to Rachel in Friends when she had her own rite of passage of sorts,” Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You’re going to love it!”

THIS POST’S QUESTION: When did you first realise that time was passing too fast or that you were now a grown up?  Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!