Growing up: The Story of my Favourite Colour

Let’s talk growing up this March, as I officially bid adieu to teenage. It’s all about self-acceptance today.

When I was 4 and I just started going to school, my favourite colour was pink. I obviously did not remember that but my mum had asked me a bunch of questions when I was 4 one of which was about my favourite colour and just started school and I found a little notebook with the answers. They were quite interesting actually. I was a big fan of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. (One of the reasons I haven’t still watched the horror take on it. Sorry, not sorry.) There are also many photos of me with a lot of pink things so it is safe to say, that this can be considered a fact.

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Anyway, the bottom line is, my first recorded favourite colour was pink. Then, as I grew up and my interests and personality changed, naturally, so did my favourite colour. My next favourite colour was black. (Dun dun dun.) the very obvious question that must be asked is: why that very sudden and very polar shift in personal taste? How do you go from pink to black? Even in a color box set, those two are so far away?

I think I’ve figured out how. At 4, I started school. In school, I interacted with many people my age and older. I was told that pink is a ‘girly’ favourite colour. I was not a ‘girly’ girl though and I didn’t want to be misjudged on my favourite colour. Most of my friends were boys, I didn’t mind being messy or dirty, I liked sports and I liked to play rough. Does that sound like someone whose favourite colour is pink? 9 year old me believed it did not and since pink didn’t suit my personality I willed myself into making black my favourite colour. It was perfect. Apart from it being super dark to hear a 9-year-old say their favourite colour is black, the adults were always a tad weirded out.

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After that, as I grew up more, I came to a point where I had no favourite colour. If someone asked, I said I liked all colours equally or worse, I like rainbow colours. I thought I was a genius for saying that. This stemmed from the realisation that favourite colours are a childish thing and as a super grown-up teenager, I’m obviously politically correct and so wise, so no favourite colour it is. It was all going great except I realised pretty soon that I really don’t like green or orange all that much.

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As I reached adulthood, I found the maturity to accept, finally, once and for all, that I have many favourite colours but I do not love all colours equally. If I had to choose one, I’d say blue and that’s all. I also like pink and black and purple and yellow. Blue is just a colour that appeals to me right now and is not a statement about me being a ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ girl or being ‘politically-correct’. It is simply a colour I have a preference for at this point in my life and it is for sure not a big deal.

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I’ve realised that growing up is about being open and accepting of these things about you. The little facts about you like your favourite colour, while seemingly trivial are still important and the only person whose opinion matters here is you. So to my twenties, I take with me acceptance of and joy in who I am, love and pride for all these little details about me, to be able to say my favourite colour is blue because it is and to not let society define my favourite colour. To live with one simple motto,” I am who I am. No apologies.”

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What was your childhood favourite color? What is it now? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

 

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Growing up: Roaring 20’s

Let’s talk growing up this March, as I officially bid adieu to teenage. It’s finally D-Day today.

Hello everyone. Today, the 10th Of March 2019 is my 20th birthday. I have now existed for at least 2 decades,240 months,7300 days,175200 hours,10512000 minutes and 630720000 seconds. That is a long, long time. Today’s post is for all intents and purposes, my birthday post, where I look back, look ahead and at now, as well. Let’s begin.

20 years ago, I was a tiny, crying, very red baby just fresh into the world. It was still a whole another century and the world sat on the cusp of the 21st century with many hopes and dreams for the wave of modernity it represented. It was still the 90’s, the era of good television, great music and even better clothing. The 2000s were almost upon us, with their nightmare-inducing fashion choices, still good television and still decent music. It was a much simpler time.

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20 years hence, I am not-so-tiny, still crying, red no longer, very much an adult and already a little bit over the world. We are nearly 2 decades into the 21st century, which is running at such a pace that each decade feels like a century in itself. The world is, in some ways a better place but still, a work in progress with so much left to fix. It is a very complicated time.

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Not much has changed.

In these 20 years, I have learned and experienced so much. I have learned to talk and walk and eat and jump and run and so much more. I have completed 15 years of schooling,2 years of college and am so much wiser. (Questionable)I have trained in dance for 12 years and I’m still dancing. I have been to 9 countries,2 continents and have travelled to and seen a sizeable(yet tiny) chunk of the world. I have read and watched beautiful stories. I have opinions and thoughts and likes and dislikes. In these 20 years, that very red baby has become a person.

Turning 20 is a monumental birthday. It signals the end of another decade as well as of adolescence. I have grown a lot in this decade as well as my teenage years(Perhaps not in height but mentally yes) but I am honestly delighted to say goodbye to my teenage and all the ‘joys’ that puberty brings. I can, however, no longer blame my hormones for my behaviour, which is a tragedy. Thank you teenage, for making me the strong-willed woman I am today.

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20 for me is a birthday full of hope. I am finally entering my 20’s, the peak of my youth, the beginning of the years in which I find the life I will live henceforth. I have no idea where I will end up and this is the starting point. I will finish my formal education( Education itself is lifelong, only formally will I be done), I will get my first actual job(I have actually had a non-paid writing job for a not-for-profit organisation already), I will live in my first house, I may even get engaged and/or married!  How crazy is it that all these milestones of my life happen in just these 10 years!

All these are such “grown-up” things in my head and hence I find myself struggling a little with the concept of growing up around this birthday. I am no longer a “barely-adult” adult, now I am a real one even if I don’t necessarily feel like one. I want to take my 20 years of existing, take the best out of them and take it with me as I enter this phase of my life. I would like some more optimism, as the pressure of adulthood, as well my teenage rebellion, has taken quite a lot of it away already. I would like to know it’s okay to depend on people sometimes, okay to miss people and so great to feel love and be loved. I want to hope and have childlike imagination with responsibility and courage. With all this and much more, I launch into my roaring 20’s, here I come!

THIS POST’S QUESTION:  Are you going to/have turned 20? What did/are you feel(ing) like? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

 

Growing Up: Is it just a perpetual emo phase?

Let’s talk growing up this March, as I officially bid adieu to teenage. It’s all about emotions today.

When I was a child, I wouldn’t cry in any movies. Not at the biggest tearjerkers of the decade.Not at the most defining moments in television history. I will have to confirm with my parents but I might not even have cried when I was a baby and didn’t get the movies at all. You get it. I just wasn’t a big crier as far as fiction was concerned.

Cut to present day me. I can(Read: will) cry at the shortest dog or baby videos. I cry at advertisements, at stories, at a heartfelt message from someone I love, at moments in tv shows and movies that aren’t even supposed to make you cry, the list is endless. I can probably cry on demand now. It’s a tad….embarrassing.

So, what happened? What moment in the 2 decades(nearly) that I have been alive completely changed the way I was programmed and functioned and made me this person? How did I end up becoming the exact kind of adult that my kid self judged my mother for being? (Sorry mom, but you cried at everything and It was beyond me as to how you did it) How did I, the strong baby, the fierce kid, grow up to become a crybaby, an emotional adult?

Let’s start from the first time it ever happened. I remember because the first movie I cried in was an iconic moment in my life. Let us go back 6 years ago. I had just finished watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and as Hedwig’s Theme played for one last time during the credits, one solitary tear rolled down my cheek. My adventure in the Harry Potter universe was finally over, I didn’t have anything left to do now. As the credits ended, I was full on sobbing and lost my sobbing-in-a-movie virginity.

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That is the first time I full blown cried at the movies but it was understandable. A major part of my very young life had just ended. The truth though is, there was also an incident before that. While watching a Bollywood movie about three kids dealing with the realities of their mother’s terminal illness, I got overwhelmed and teary-eyed. But, that can be justified by my love for my mother and called a momentary lapse of my otherwise sealed-off tear ducts of steel.

The next incident I remember is when I cried a lot and I mean A LOT with my best friend while watching The Fault In Our Stars with my best friend. My mother was shocked to hear her stoic,always-straight-faced-at-the-movies daughter cried and didn’t believe it. She is probably shocked by this post too because we live far away and she might have not realised how bad it has become. (Hi, mom! I cry now.)

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After that, it is a blur and suddenly, years later here I am, an adult who cries at the drop of a hat. It is said that you cry when you feel too much of any emotion, when your body is no longer able to handle the level at which you are feeling the emotion, and definitely not just when you are happy or sad. The real question now is: How did I get afflicted with this tedious affliction? How did I suddenly learn to feel so deeply for fictional characters? Where and how did I find *shudders* emotion?

With much long and hard thought I have come to the realisation that maybe, just maybe this is what growing up is. Is it possible that I have begun to climb the tall mountain that is emotional maturity? I mean, I have dropped the walls I had around me. I have accepted my emotions as valid and something that I should feel and express freely. I have realised life is too short to be strong. And as I go into the next decade of my life, I’ve decided to take this with me. So, I’ll go be emotional and be very emotional, I’ll be unapologetically un-stoic, I’ll let go and I’ll cry a little. Or a lot. Whatever I want. Whatever I feel like.

THIS POST’S QUESTION: Are you a big crier at the movies? Did you also have a sudden moment when your tear ducts just turned on at the movies? Let me know what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

 

A Surprise Can Make All The Difference.

Let’s talk about the magic of surprises today.

For part 1 of this post where I talk about my personal motto this birthday on, click here.

Now I write continued from here on 11th March 2018. So much has happened over the last 24 hours. My birthday turned out to be so much more fun and so much more exciting than I could have ever anticipated. I’ll start from where most good things start, at the very beginning.

Last you saw me, I was answering birthday messages and calls and writing to you, at night, alone in my dorm room. In the next hour or so, I fell asleep, woke up the next morning and got dressed in the birthday outfit my mother especially bought me. Then I headed out to lunch at a gorgeous cafe with amazing food that I’ve always loved called, ” The Big Chill” with my college friends. Lunch was delicious and we got some good pictures out of it. (And that is Millenial/Gen X speak for: A successful day out)

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Post lunch, I grabbed a cab to my aunt’s nearby. I visit her, mandatory birthday exchanges are made and I settle in and make my Polaroid Camera functional( A.K.A insert new batteries and film) because I wanted to take pictures for the rest of the day. At this point, I was already missing my family horribly despite having video-called them thrice already and was on the verge of crying. Then, my aunt hands me a letter(Yes, the handwritten deal) that came to me, from my best friend back home!

And man oh man, did that let the floodgates lose. It was a beautiful letter that I’ll not quote because it is especially private and special and something I hold sacred. Just know that I cried at my first birthday present this year, a physical letter!

Next, I notice my aunt and uncle trying to repeatedly get me to open the door and I felt a little absurd but I dismissed it. That is UNTIL, I opened the door to find none other than my father, one of my favourite people in the world, standing outside in flesh and blood, smiling and with a ginormous bouquet in hand who seemed to have flown in for my birthday.

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The gorgeous bouquet

I was in shock and I opened the door and hugged him and cried( I do that a lot here its seems, my younger self that never understood my mother’s tears that could fall at anything is scoffing horribly.) He came in and handed me the flowers, one adorable and extremely heartfelt card from my little sister(Which also made me bawl) and a bag full of handmade gifts, my mother had personally made for me and sent. I opened the bag to find: three pieces of personalised framed art and four personalised double-sided bookmarks! (And, then my aunt also handed me a birthday gift, a pretty handbag, so yay gifts!)

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My parents despite being halfway across the country had managed to give me the yearly birthday surprise and make my birthday the most special day for me! All the gifts made my day, my father physically being here made my year and on top of that the really scrumptious birthday dinner I had with my dad, aunt, uncle and cousin at the gorgeous restaurant made my month, to say the least!

Then, we cut my very tasty and very pretty cake in a hospital with my other uncle and aunt, who was admitted to the hospital for some tests at 11:23 P.M., 5 hours after I was exactly 19 years old.

And with that, I was 19.

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THIS POST’S QUESTION: Did you ever get a surprise on your birthday or even on a regular day that turned your whole day around,for the better ?Comment below with what you think about it, I can’t wait to hear from you!

My Year To Be Bold.

Let’s talk about birthdays and growing up today.

Hi everyone, it’s been a while! In the meantime, I’ve been swimming quite deep in the waters of a busy college life and life, in general. I’ve missed this place and its people a lot and have so many blog post ideas just waiting to be written sitting in my phone’s notes app.

So, why one today? Why not one of those prompts just waiting to grow and blossom into a blog post? Why this conversation of a post rather than an idea? What’s so special about today?

Well, I write this to you at 1 AM on March 10,2018 and also my 19th birthday as I receive calls and messages that congratulate me for something I have no control over. (A.K.A Existing, growing older.)Last year of my teenage and a little bit more adult than I’m used to. Should exciting, nerve-wracking and feel really good, right ?

Except it doesn’t? It’s my first birthday ever away from my family and also simultaneously my first proper adult birthday, first birthday completely alone(I’m sitting alone in my dorm room typing this) and first birthday in University. Phew, that’s a lot of firsts.

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A drawing I found on Pinterest that is a pretty accurate description of me typing this to you. The artist has really beautiful art and their link is mentioned as a watermark in the photo.

I am not excited? I am happy because you always get extra love and attention on your birthday, I’m definitely scared to my wit’s end about being a grownup but the waves of excitement that hit me from the fortnight before my birthday was conspicuously missing this year. Even the surprise cake cutting(Thanks to the lovely circle my family has here!) I had today with my College Dance Crew( That I’m a part of, yes!) didn’t trigger them.Even on my birthday, right now I’m more like yes, its my birthday, no big deal, everyone has one of those which is obviously, a tad depressing a place to be in.

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The beautiful pre-birthday cake that was cut with my Dance-Crew.

I like to think this is what growing up feels like and man, I didn’t think I’d be a grownup so fast but apparently one year in college living alone can really do the trick. I’m not sad about it but I really miss that pure, undulating joy I felt every year?I feel like somewhere down the line I lost my innocence and I am not sure if I’m perfectly alright with that?

I believe some of it could also stem from the fact that my parents have always made my birthday’s very very special, despite the fact that it fell during exams for 6 years out of 19. It has to be a factor.

In my Bullet Journal, to commemorate my birthday I have done a series of pages.One of which is a quote that says,” This is my year to be bold.” Which is a personal motto of sorts, for the year that is coming? I take 2018 as my year to take risks, to be brave and to be strong in the face of whatever life throws at me.

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Alongside, I’ve written a letter to self of sorts titled,” To Me on my Birthday” and I’ll transcribe it here, for the sake of having a digital copy and to share it with everyone because 2017 was a monumental year and this letter is a series of things I learnt over the year which have made me a better person yet the reminder wouldn’t hurt anyone.

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This was a major year for you. Milestone-ly, life situation-ly or otherwise.This year you’ve found strength in the face of adversity, resilience in the face of failure, optimism in the face of dejection and most importantly, your dignity while swimming in the pools of dangerously low self-esteem. In your first year as an adult, you’ve done many ‘adult’ things and have grown several years over the span of 365 days. You’ve gained maturity, insight and pride in who you are. You’ve made so much personal progress this year and today is just the right occasion to commemorate it with pride.So, be proud of who you are and who you will be because it’s always going to be one step(Or in 2017’s case one step on the Moon-sized step) ahead of who you were.This year will be yours to claim, to grow, to live and to live boldly.Happy Birthday. Let’s do it the 19th time.

(Part 2 of this post where I talk about what actually went down on my birthday,a riveting tale with many twists and turns is right here)

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What would be/was your personal motto for the coming year on your birthday? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!

Head In The Clouds.

Let’s talk about aeroplanes today.

I’ve always loved aeroplanes. I always look up when one passes by, no matter what I’m doing (I was writing my high school graduation exams this year near an airport and it was ridiculous how many times I’d stop, it’s a wonder I finished my papers at all!)

How this little epiphany or stroke of inspiration came, you ask? Well today, when I was crossing to the dormitories (Yes, I live in a dorm now, post on how I’m dealing with that hopefully soon!) after dinner ,a plane whizzed by. Among the good horde of people that was there, skateboarding, chatting away with pals, texting on phones, leading singalongs and whatnot, I was the only one who looked up. That’s when it hit me ,how odd is it that we are so acclimatised, so used to aeroplanes now and how far we really have come. A century ago, everyone would have stopped whatever they’re doing and stared at the sky in amazement and would have waved to the passing plane with smiles on their faces and wonderment in their eyes. This little thought triggered another train which made me think of my own special relationship with the sky.

I love sky-watching. I am the kind of person who can make a day out of it. I never grew out of the finding shapes in clouds phase. Hell, my first dream job was to be a pilot. And the best part? I had never ever sat in a plane at that age. When I was 5,the idea of flying off to someplace and going anywhere I wanted, up above the clouds was as fascinating as things got.(To be honest, it’s still fascinating. I think I missed the growing up call.)If you talked to me then about what I wanted to be when I grew up, you’d get a resolute, proud, “Pilot” and a promise to be flown to a place of your choice when I became one.(How I wish I was this clear now, as an adult.)

How the job vacated the dream slot, is another rather sad tale. I saw a movie late at night with my family and way past my bedtime, in which a plane crash killed a whole lot of people, including a beloved character.(Who by the way, was the pilot.)Then that night, I had a series of not-so-good dreams about airplanes and by morning being a pilot was a distant thing of the past.

I went on my first aeroplane at the age of 10. It was a domestic flight but it was a good 3 and a half hours long and the best thing that had happened to me then. The view from above the clouds, the knitted square piece carpet that earth looked like from up above ,the green green forests where I was landing and the helluva ear aches landing and take off gave me are ingrained in my memory forever. I’ve seen an okay amount of things in life for someone my age but I value these memories as precious moments from my childhood.

Since then, I have been on many many planes and seen quite a few airports (Also one of my favourite places, more on them later in his post!) I’ve had good plane rides, okay planes rides, great plane ides, bad plane rides, the entire spectrum.(And over the course of these rides, I’ve also grown out of my ear aches.)I’ve sat in really comfortable seats and uncomfortable, kind of stuffy planes. I’ve watched a lot of movies, read a lot of books, heard a lot of music and had a lot of food on aeroplanes.

I’ve also seen amaaaazing sights from the windows.(Window seat hoggers unite!) I’ve seen so many different colours, shapes and kinds of clouds. I’ve seen a bunch of sunrises, multiple cities, rivers, lakes, countries and even the snow-capped Himalayas. (While going to Leh, Ladakh, India, one of my most beloved trips ever.) I’ve seen the teeny tiny Eifel Tower, wee Twin Towers(Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia),tiny Rome, beaches, oceans, seas and so much more!

(I have not taken these beautiful pictures, these have been uploaded to the internet by amazing photographers around the world, some who had watermarks, some who didn’t. I used these because I felt that these capture views akin to what I’ve seen in a way I could never even aspire to.)

Now, let’s get back to one of my favourite places again; airports. There are so many people, so many hopes, so many struggles, so many stories in that one place. Everyone has a different destination, a different purpose, different likes and so many different goals. Also as a big plus, so many chocolate and book stores!(Just the things you should sell everywhere,if you ask me!)

I find myself fortunate enough to have seen and done so much all because of aeroplanes. It makes travel, seeing the world, fulfilling my dreams much easier for me and unites and joins all of us. So, I’d like to conclude this plane (ha!) of thought that started with a plane with gratitude and awe for this metal tube ,its inventors, the Wright brothers and humanity in general for being who they are with ideas and curiosity and creativity and passion driving us as a species forward.

Bon Voyage for wherever you’re off to (In life or on a plane!) from a plane-aholic!

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What is your favourite memory associated with aeroplanes? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to heard from you!

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The End Of An Era.

Let’s talk about graduating today.

I’d like to start off with the way most good things start: “Hello! How are you?”I know  I haven’t written in forever and I still am so desperately hard hit for time so this process of very few posts is going to continue for a tad bit longer.I’m so sorry about that!

In a few days have what we call a farewell, which is essentially a formal school-leaving graduation ceremony before all the exams and admission conundrum begins.At the farewell, everyone dresses up to the nines, takes pictures, feels nostalgic and makes several more new memories.As of mid -2017, my schooling, for all intents and purposes is drawing to a close and I have a lot of feelings about it which is what this post is going to be about.

 

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Source: Tumblr

 

My schooling has made up 14 years of my life( not counting pre-school) and for a 17-year-old that is an awful lot of years.My feelings about being an adult and not a school kid anymore are a plethora of emotions of all degrees and ranges that I’m usually slightly afraid to delve deep into.I’m afraid of feeling too sad, too stuck in the past, too happy or feeling too much altogether.

My schooling has been completed in 3 different schools, all 3 I have different levels of attachment and affection towards, a whole different set of memories from and different people I’ve met and cherished.When I was a child, I considered myself to be the kind of person who finishes their schooling entirely from one place but now I feel very lucky to have experienced three different school environments and places because they’ve shaped me up as a much aware person surrounded by so so many absolutely lovely people, amazing friendships and great teachers.I’ve talked before in my previous post about turning an adult that I suddenly realised time was passing too fast and I had a hard time wrapping my head around it.About this too, I feel that way, I can’t believe I’m a senior and I’m going to college this year.I can’t believe I’m turning 18 and nor can I believe I’m going to be out of high school this year.

 

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Source: Tumblr

 

Honestly, I don’t want to grow up.Of course, do, but most of me really doesn’t.To someone who’s older this must seem so absurd given how young I really am, but I just want to be a child again, a teenager again and do it all over again because it seems to be the happiest time ever and I miss it so so much already.

I am also extremely excited about the new phase of my life and cannot wait to begin with college.I’m excited to meet the new people, to soak up the new atmosphere and to just live a different kind of life.When I moved here 2 years back, I was gifted ” The Five People You Meet In Heaven” by my cousins and I read it on the flight here.One of the first quotes in that book is,“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.” This quote impacted my outlook on living in a new city greatly and even now I choose to believe that this ending is my new beginning and better things await me in my life henceforth.

 

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Source: http://www.simplereminders.com

 

Here’s to every class,every notebook,every piece of lost stationary,every teacher who’s taught me so diligently,every class party,all food we’ve had during classes in utmost secrecy , to all certificates received with the biggest smiles, the music parties during lunches, the swings, the walks around the school, every stage performance, every time I’ve danced in school, all the conversations in the hallways, every time I’ve run a race,the lunches finished before the official lunch,all the excursions and day trips,all the programme practices,every piece of art I’ve made,every school building of mine,all school assemblies I’ve made faces about attending,every competition I’ve been in representing my school, every t time I’ve held a microphone, every ball I’ve kicked, every walk under the trees in school, to all medals I’ve won, every report card I’ve received, all the school bus rides and the drama that ensued inside the buses,all the older children we’ve idolised,all the younger ones I’ve helped, every person who has been a part of my schooling at any of my three schools: Thank you for making me who I am today.I’m so so thankful all that happened.I would not have it any other way.

 

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Source: Tumblr

 

THIS POST’S QUESTION: What is your fondest school memory? Comment below with  what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!