Let’s talk about 2018, my personal motto for the previous year and looking ahead today.
Happy new year! How has your year been so far? Good, I hope. If not, I really hope it gets better.
Last year on the 10th day of March(My birthday), I vowed to make 2018 my year to be bold. I decided to make 2018 my year to take risks, to be brave and to be strong in the face of whatever life throws at me. I talked about this before in my post, My Year To Be Bold. Today, on the 10th day of 2019, you and I (mostly me but you bear witness) will attempt to dissect if I did indeed follow through with this motto. Let us begin.
As I put some thought into this I realised I had followed through with my goal, somewhat, but in ways, I didn’t expect. That aspect of it surprised me the most, I had decided to be bold in the face of life’s trials and to take major risks but really can every year of your life be full of major problems? More importantly, should it even be? Probably not.
This year, I took some risks yes, personally, sometimes even academically, and yes, some turned out to be for the better while some not so much but none so life changing that you know, I’d call it the one risk that made my life. This year I was ill for a good part of my first semester and I think all that gave me was a major fear of fainting. (I’ve never fainted before. No one talks about how awful it feels) I thought I’d wasted my motto of being bold on 2018. It could have been kept safe for a bigger year of my life like the year I start my first job or my postgraduate education. That makes sense, right?
After some more introspection, I’d say no. I had this realisation in the most innocuous of ways when I started to talk about what I’d like to do professionally in the future with a friend and I had this post at the back of my mind. I had the following epiphany and I’ll share it with you.
I realised I conquered little fears every day. I am a big introvert. I dont like making phone calls or small talk. (Of course, this doesn’t include friends and (close) family) I have a fear of crowds. They give me major claustrophobia. I have always found greeting people when you meet them anywhere to put me under a lot of pressure. I dont like chit-chatting with strangers for no reason.
But this year, I did it all and even better, I’ve improved at doing it all. I don’t let these anxieties of mine hold me back ,I’ve even made some of them my strengths and now, even professionally, I’d love to work with talking to people, now that I’ve discovered the joys of and liberation in sharing thoughts and opinions with people outside your circle, the wonderful human superpower that is, communication. That does not mean the fears magically disappeared though, no. It just means that the fight has become easier, the monster smaller, the anxiety lesser, the fun more apparent.
So, the bottom line is, I was bold this year. It wasn’t in the big, obvious ways that I’d expected when I decided to be bold but the more smaller, innocuous ways. So, the question then changes from Was I bold? to Was I bold enough? Is there a way to measure boldness? A little meter that rises up little by little so you know that you were in fact, bold enough? How do I say I fulfilled my personal motto when there is no quantifiable way of deciding that? So, the question still stands and I put it forth to you as you have been on this journey with me today and because I have no real way to answer it myself, Was I bold enough?
THIS POST’S QUESTION: Do you think you can measure things like boldness? Comment below with what you think about it,I’d love to hear from you!
Musings Of A Whimsical Soul 